Learn to Listen
As William James pointed out, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
You should be governed by the idea that one should seek first to understand, then to be understood. We’re often so worried about what we’re going to say next that we don’t hear what’s being said to us now.
There are few ways to signal to your listener that you are interested and listening actively. Take the initiative and be the first person to say hello. This demonstrates confidence and immediately shows your interest in the other person. When the conversation starts, don’t interrupt. Show empathy and understanding by nodding your head and involving your whole body in engaging the person you’re talking with. Ask questions that demonstrate (sincerely) you believe the other person’s opinion is particularly worth seeking out. Focus on their triumphs. Laugh at their jokes. And always, always, remember the other person’s name. Nothing is sweeter to someone’s ears than their own name. At the moment of introduction, I visually attach a person’s name to their face. Seconds later, I’ll repeat the person’s name to make sure I got it, and then again periodically throughout the conversation.
Posted by Keith Ferrazzi at March 4, 2005 7:55 AM