April 30, 2007

Excerpt from The Flip Side

This excerpt is taken from Chapter 4 of The Flip Side: Break Free of the Behaviors that Hold You Back by Flip Flippen, an educator, psychotherapist, and business coach. The Flip Side is about how to recognize and deal with the personal constraints we face every day.


 

Feedback is Critical  

Unfortunately we are often the worst judges of our own situations. Our constraints may have developed because we just don't see them, or they may directly impede our ability to recognize them. Either way my years as a psychotherapist have convinced me that self-assessment is not something that can be done effectively in isolation. I've asked lots of people over the years to name their top areas needing improvements, and very few have any sort of accurate response.

The fact of the matter is that self-assessment is an oxymoron. You can't get a self-help book and sit alone and read it and think you have accurately assessed yourself by yourself. Although it is a good start, your own assessment is only part of the equation. If I went through life without feedback, I might think that I have great hair (even as it gets thinner every year) and have what it takes to be a world-class jockey (not likely at six feet three inches). The problem is that reality does not always bear out our favorite illusions about ourselves, and I want to live in reality (at least for the most part, I do). I can't fully self-assess by myself, so I must get others' input to have a more complete picture. Although this book offers all the tools you'll need to put together a plan for success in overcoming your personal constraints, it is the people around you who hold many of the keys to effective diagnosis.

Recently I was packing to go out of town, and two of the boys were sitting on the ledge of the tub in our bathroom. They were giving me a hard time about what I was wearing, and I turned and looked in the mirror, commenting that I was sure thankful that I had a full head of hair and looked as good as I did (they had really been harassing me). Of course one of them couldn't resist.

“Well, Pop, you need to slip around back and take another look!” They both laughed until I ran them out.

Next time I'll get ready by myself.

But it certainly illustrated a basic problem with mankind. We are social animals, and we need help assessing our strengths and weaknesses. Hopefully some of the people who will help you self-assess (more on this later) will be kinder to you than those two were to me. Mind you, I did get over it.

When Motivation Meets Science  

Years ago my company began a long and rigorous development process to identify personal constraints. We gathered and compared behavioral and attitudinal data from top performers in a variety of fields, including corporate executives, schoolteachers, professional athletes, stay-at-home moms, administrative assistants, construction workers, midlevel managers, salespeople, doctors, and ranch managers.

I wanted to know which traits they consistently had in common, but I also wanted to know what makes these people different from others who seem to perpetually struggle. So I took this a step further, gathering data on low performers as well.

As we analyzed the information, we were struck by the findings. Even across occupations, the top achievers had consistent patterns in common that distinguished them from low achievers. Combining this information with my decades of case studies and counseling notes, we devised a truly unique and statistically valid process.

I well remember the first time we compared data for high performers against data for low performers. The statistical differences confirmed all our projections and validated our process of measuring and quantifying behavioral attributes that were associated with both success and the lack of it.

Through all of this we have found ten critical constraints that-- either alone or in combinations with other constraints--repeatedly did the most damage to personal growth, relationships, and careers.

We have named them the Top 10 Killer Constraints and will highlight them with stories and illustrations so you can recognize these behaviors in yourself and others. This process is designed to give you an effective “diagnosis and prescription”--complete with steps to begin the process of breaking each constraint.

As you read the chapters and complete the corresponding assessments, remember that each assessment is just part of the identification process. You may find that you have many symptoms from one constraint, a few from several constraints, or several symptoms from a few. You may even find that you have only two or three symptoms from one personal constraint, but if these symptoms are found frequently at the “scene of the crime” in work and relationship troubles, then each one needs to be treated seriously if you truly desire to move forward in life. To be clear, there are a few people who may not have a dangerous level of any of the constraints, but shades of certain constraints can surface, especially during times of stress. Additionally there is a section at the end of each personal-constraint chapter to help you deal effectively with that constraint when you encounter it in those around you. We all influence and impact each other for better or worse, and understanding why we do what we do is a great start to helping others turn their lives around.

To give you a snapshot of the nature of these constraints, we have personified each of them for you:

  • Bulletproof (Overconfident)
  • Ostriches (Low Self-Confidence)
  • Marshmallows (Overly Nurturing)
  • Critics (Too Demanding, Nitpicky, or Harsh)
  • Icebergs (Low Nurturing)
  • Flatliners (Low Passion, Vision, or Drive)
  • Bulldozers (Overly Dominant)
  • Turtles (Resistant to Change)
  • Volcanoes (Aggressive, Angry)
  • Quick Draw (Low Self-Control, Impulsive)

Excerpted from THE FLIP SIDE by Flip Flippen. Copyright (c) 2007 by M.B. Flippen. Used by permission of Springboard Press, an imprint of Warner Books, Inc. All rights reserved.

Posted by Rebecca at April 30, 2007 3:39 PM | TrackBack